Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It used to be a day I dreaded. Now it is a day I look forward to. For many years, it was a reminder of what I was not. Today, it is a reminder of who I am and what I have. It is a day to count my blessings and praise God for His miracles!
Being a mother is like nothing else on earth. "It is the hardest job you will ever love." People used to tell me that, but I did not understand the depth of that phrase until I had experienced it on my own. When I joined the parenthood club, I had many ideas of what kind of mom I would be. I would not let my child eat french fries or other greasy foods; the TV would not become a babysitter; I would never give in to a screaming child in a store; and so on and so on. Well, unfortunately, after two and a half years, I have broken my own rules. Sometimes it has been out of frustration, other times out of exhaustion. No matter the situation, the point is that being a parent is not always what you think it will be. It is so much harder! Yet, you adapt. You adapt because you have to. It is survival, really. You learn to parent on 3 hours sleep, and somehow your body goes along with it [although not always my mind ;)]! You quickly learn to be at the beck and call of a screaming three month old who turns into an adorable and screaming 2 year old. You trade in your designer dresses and clothes for puke stained shirts and sweat pants. Your pajamas often become the preferred dress code in the house, and I do love my pj's!
I remember when I used to be able to spend an hour in the morning getting ready for work. Now I am lucky if I can be in the bathroom for five minutes without hearing a knocking on the door. I find myself spending a lot of money on cute clothes for Mackenna, yet not much on myself. I have had to give up my own independence for her dependence on me. Sleepless nights are still a job hazard. I think the worse feeling though is when you have a sick child. This week for me, has been an exercise in the hard parts of being a mom. Not being able to take away your child's pain is one of the most helpless feelings I ever experience. Unfortunately, I do not have a magic wand that makes things better. While my hugs seems to pacify her at times, they can not fully take away her pain.
Yet, being a parent is also the most rewarding job I have ever had. The sacrifices I have described pale in comparison to the wonderful things being a mom allows me to see, do, and have. As I see the world through her eyes, the sky is more blue, the grass is greener, the wind is sweeter, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the best food ever! When Mackenna stops playing just to come over and give me a hug, it is like she brings the sun itself to me. Her laughter is the most melodious sound I have ever heard, and is truly music to my ears. Taking a trip to the zoo is a hundred times more fun because I see the amazement and wonder in her eyes. Through her, I see both the simplicity and the beauty of the world. What a wonderful gift God has given me in the little wonder that is Mackenna!
I think of the future, and I do not know what it will hold. I only pray that Mackenna will grow into a godly, young woman who knows who she is and does not go along with the crowd. The skills I am teaching her now will allow her to be that young woman. And this is also what contributes to making the job of mom so hard! I know we will have many trials along the way as she gets older; no child is perfect. If she is anything like me (and history is showing she is), she and I will have some battles as she becomes a pre-teen. Yet, through it all I will love her. I will find a way to even love the stubborness and head strong girl I am sure she will be (and of course I am saying all this when she is a cute 2 year old). I actually can not wait to see how our bond grows and develops as she becomes older. However, I am not so willing to give up the cuddly, chubby arm hug stage quite just yet! Mackenna has grown so fast that there are times I often find myself trying to think about the first few months of her life. It seems like it was a dream some times. My happy, bubbly, active 2 year old is so different than the sweet, calm baby of two years ago. There are times I just wish I could push the pause button because I feel like life is in fast forward mode!
Being a parent though definitely has taught me more respect for my mom than I have ever had! I am now experiencing many of the same things she did when she was raising me. It really does make you reflect and look back on your life. I now understand why my mom made some of the choices she did. As a teenager, I could not fathom why she was so mean! Yet, now I know why she gave me the boundaries and limits she did. And honestly, thank goodness for that! I can not imagine some of the different spins my life would have taken otherwise.
Is it sappy to cry in the card aisle at Wal Mart as you pick out your mom's Mother's Day card? Well, I did it this week! As I read the words on the card, they resonated inside me. Here is what my Mother's Day card to my mom says (she won't read this before Mom's Day...):
For My Mom
Until I became a mom myself,
I never truly realized how much caring motherhood would bring to my heart--
There are so many times, now,
that remind me of my own childhood and all the ways you were there for me.
It's these times that have made me understand
how much love was in each of your good-night kisses...
how much concern was behind all your "be carefuls"
as I ventured out into the world.
Mom, for all the caring ways you've shaped my life,
Happy Mother's Day.
I can't even begin to describe the impact those words on the card had on me. It is unbelievable to me that I would feel that way about a Hallmark card, but the words are true. When I kiss Mackenna good night and tell her I love her, I remember my mom doing the same thing every night as I went to bed. As I see Mackenna take risks and try not to gasp too loudly when she falls, I think of my mom and the similar experiences she had. I had a mom that did not go to bed at night until all of her children were safe and accounted for. I know I will be the same way. I had a mom who always asked questions, always wanted to know how your day went, always was there to answer any questions you had. I want to do the same for my child.
I really thank God for my mom. Even though we did not always see eye to eye when I was a teenager, I now look back on the things she did and the choices she made, and I see the love behind them. I also know I will just be as over-protective of Mackenna as I felt my parents were of me. In fact, if she tells me she hates me when she is fifteen because I won't let her do all the things her friends are doing, then I have done my job well! Oh the things to look forward to! :)
This is my new favorite quote: "Anything which parents have not learned from experience they can now learn from their children." Yep, this sums up being a mom!
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!
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